I Crave Simplicity

I hate those times when it seems like I’m the last to know things. Lately, while I’ve begun to live out my new lable as the “poor pathetic totally unaware girl”, I feel lost in my own skin more than anything. Lost and confused.

At the beginning of this school year, I was dealing with tying up the final strings of a relationship than ended a few months earlier. The summer had left me quite ready to try a friendship with this guy who I genuinely cared about and couldn’t help but admire, but whose life dreams left me out of the picture. I was more than okay with that and was sure that we would both be able to still enjoy being in each others company. So school began and all my attempts to talk or hang out were shut down, my hopes were crushed and I realized that being turned down for friendship was worse than being broken up with. Soon after, facebook announced to me on our glorious news feed that he had a girlfriend. It was a shock and then an explanation to why I had failed so miserably in all my efforts. People knew, no one told me. Thanks Facebook.

I also became friends with a guy and a girl about 2 weeks ago. They are both exceptionally remarakable and unique people. I was friends with both of them separately, but little did I know, they were actually friends from home. There was a past between them, more complex than I cared to press into and quite frankly, none of my business. Our 3 friendships formed this little triangle: She liked him, he liked me, I liked him, she was fast becoming one of the most important people in my life, and she was also one of his closest friends! It wasn’t worth putting those friendships in any sort of jeapordy. I’m not crushed and I’m okay with us all being friends! The thing is……I didn’t know any of this until well after my friendships with both of them had begun. I was the outsider on a 3-sided triangle and they had neglected to fill me in. I pieced it together myself.

It happens in class, it happens with friends, it happens a lot and I’m trying to figure out if this is normal. It can’t be! Right? So do I fall into the category of tell on a need-to-know basis only in my own life? I feel disheartened and I crave simplicity.

“Honesty lives confident and carefree, but Shifty is sure to be exposed.” – Proverbs 10:9

911

The simple truth is sometimes I need help. Unfortunately most of the time I’m too independent (or stubborn) to ask for it. I forget to “never stop praying” – 1 Thessalonians 5:17. But the awesome thing is I know God will treat my littlest need as if it were an emergency. Why can’t I just come to Him?

This week has been full of mini-emergencies. Most of them I create all on my own. Monday my alarm was set for 8:30 instead of 7:30. I was freaking out as I dashed to print something off my computer, clothe myself, brush my teeth, and speed to school. That night I frantically realized at 9:00 pm that I needed to study for an extensive test and write a paper on Greek drama, both due the next day. Tuesday I spilled all my make-up on my counter. Wednesday I wrote my first blog – it was nerve-racking and confusing. Today I almost died several times. First when my very little car was squished in between two big rigs who wouldn’t let me speed up to get around them. I was almost hit in the head with a 2×4 and was also knocked down and scraped up in my technical production class. And I can always count on there being some sort of mini-emergency tomorrow.

I can’t remember praying for God’s help in those times. They were my problems and I was going to handle them all by myself. I could have prayed for patience & focus on Monday, composure on Tuesday, wisdom on Wednesday, and saftey today. But I didn’t. It could be a way of me controlling and not fully surrendering my life to Him in everyway, in addition to my inability to fully comprehend His love and His want to rescue me from weariness.

God wants to be my 911 operator in times of mini-emergencies, not just major ones. I can rest peacefully knowing He’s got it under control. I can live with complete freedom in Him and not sweat the small stuff. Maybe he’ll even help me with my school work!

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

National Day of Encouragement

Have you ever had a bad day that seems as if everyone is having a bad day too? I call it a “blah day”, where conversations are dazed, no one is smiling, class is depressing, and life is dull. I hate those days and I’m glad today was NOT one of them. I knew the National Day of Encouraging was successful when I walked into the students center and there was this invisible happy cloud floating around. Although many took it to the extreme (and some even to sarcasm) – it was effective. Nice words filled the halls, strangers were smiling at each other as if they were best friends, and there we’re bright balloons everywhere. (There has to be some statistic on how balloons boost morale!) I thought after a while I would get tired of it and that it would soon near the edge of cheesey and annoying, but it wasn’t. It was contagious.

I’ve tried my best to live many days with an attitude of encouragement but I was often met by pathetic attempts to reciprocate my cheerful disposition. Some people we’re great at it, other’s needed work, and some seemed incapable of kind words. The truth is, the practice of encouragement is underated in all of our lives today. Even the word “encourage” relates so many meanings:

uplift, give confidence, develop, give support, give advice, embolden, instigate, spur on, cheer, inspire, motivate, stir up, fire up, stimulate, invigorate, vitalize, revitalize, fortify, rally

And those are the things God calls us to be for each other in our pursuit of Him, the fight against worldy temptations, and the work to further His kingdom. Would we more readily share the gospel if we knew people were backing us up? Would we help more? Would we be more compassionate and tuned into the needs of those around us?

We might have been as close to living in perfect harmony as I’ve ever seen. I wondered if God was giving me a glimpse of what heaven is like as I stood back and watched people. I hope so!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

My Millionth Try

I have tried time and time again to write a blog. At this point, I know that at least one person will read it – my teacher who asks us to make one post for credit in my Mass Communication class. I do want those points, but I also sincerely want to try having a blog. Not because I think I will end up a prolific blogger, or write anything meaningful in my jumbled flow of conscious thought, or even have anyone interested in what I’m saying, but to unleash my opinions about my very own life and what goes on in it! I hope it becomes a liberating experience, but like I said, I’ve never been good at this. So here’s to trying…